Breakups suck. But how does one deal with a breakup other than buying pints of ice-cream bing watching chick flicks, like The Notebook, and The Vow, and He’s Just Not That Into You all the while playing pop heartbreak songs in the background? Well, since one of my good friends is sadly coping with a breakup and another one of my friend’s is finally acknowledging and dealing with a breakup, I think the world needs a guide to breakups.
1. If the breakup was bad, or you got hurt, or it wasn’t mutual (which it normally isn’t), erase this person’s number from your phone (and unfriend him or her on the Facebook if you may ever be inclined to message them). This way temptation to talk to the person that hurt you is reduced and no drunken texts will occur. Cutting off communication may be tough in the beginning but it makes moving on easier.
2. Spend time with your friends again. Did you miss any movie nights because it was date night? Well don’t mope around your place alone, immerse yourself in your friendships again because your friends are the people who make you laugh, listen to you, and love you no matter what. You will automatically be in a good mood, and positivity is what you need post breakup.
3. Talk about it. That’s what your friends are here for. But, depending on how long the relationship was, you should give yourself a grace period of how long you can discuss it. This is out of politeness to your friends because they will offer advice and be the ear when needed, but don’t rehash the same things over and over again and talk about it because you’re wallowing in sadness. Just know that if you were only together a week, and things ended, you don’t get six months to talk about the breakup. Plenty of other things have happened since then. Essentially, don’t talk it to death.
4. Enjoy being single. Don’t think you need someone to complete you or that couples make you sick and you’re the only single person out there. Being single rocks, you don’t have to answer to anyone, you get to do you, plan your schedule around you. The world finally revolves around you again, so eat it up.
5. Express yourself. Talking about your feelings is one thing, but let your rage, sadness, or frustration out in other ways. Use the breakup as inspiration and motivation to do something awesome in life. You don’t want the breakup to hold you back.
6. Keep in mind a few mantras: if it’s meant to be it will work out in the end; an ex is an ex for a reason, and it’s better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. The first two will remind you that the breakup was needed, so you don’t go thinking after a few months that you should mend things and try again. Those are exceptions to relationships, but for the most part, you shouldn’t try to make a relationship work after it failed once. And the last mantra is to remind you that life is short, and if you experience love, however briefly, and you enjoy someone’s company and know what it’s like to be vulnerable, you learn something about yourself. YOLO, so do and be all that you can.
7. Try something new at least once a week. After a breakup, you don’t want to get into a mundane routine which gets you missing the person because he or she used to be part of said routine. Since you’re single you can do things on a whim, be spontaneous, and go crazy every now and then, so take advantage of that.
8. Remember that this is a breakup and not the end of the world. You’re still alive, life is good, you can move on. Don’t be too dramatic and don’t become cynical or pessimistic about relationships. Breakups are a part of life because finding the right person takes time and is a guess and check process.
9. Take your time in being alone. You shouldn’t surround yourself with people constantly to avoid thinking about your ex and addressing your feelings. Being able to be alone and happy is a learned phenomenon but a necessary one to be happy with yourself as a person. And when you are alone, face your feelings because ignoring them won’t make them go away.
10. Be sure to smile. Don’t let your inner turmoil turn you into a negative nancy or a debbie downer. You’re beautiful and your smile is your best accessory. You might make someone’s day, you might catch someone’s eye, and universe forbid you run into your ex; you’ll look like you’ve got your life together. A smile goes a long way.