Stage Fright to Stage Delight

I have terrible stage fright.  I can barely speak up in class; I start to sweat, I begin to shake, and I can barely articulate a coherent thought.  I’m quiet in groups, always the butt of the sarcastic joke, “Don’t be so loud” and “You’re hogging the conversation.”  To top it off, I have a soft voice.  So when I do speak up, usually no one hears me and I am forced to repeat myself, over and over again, and the more embarrassed and flustered I become.  And yelling…not my thing.

But, despite my uber stage fright, somehow I manage to read my poetry to strangers in a coffee shop.  And not only do I simply read, I’ve polled people in the cafe and I tell them brief anecdotes.  I wouldn’t go so far to say that I am comfortable on stage.  I’m not an actor nor am I performer.  I cannot be completely vulnerable in front of a crowd.  However, the spotlight and having one’s attention is appealing and exhilarating.

Sophomore year of high school there was an open mic night called Coffeehouse.  Typically, there were only musical acts, but I decided to read poetry with some friends because I knew I couldn’t handle it alone.  No one messed up reading, but I remember freaking out the entire night, before and after presenting.  I don’t remember any one clapping, and I remember it was over quite quickly.  And I swore I’d never do that to myself again.

I don’t know what changed, but now every other week, or as often as I can, I read my poetry at open mic nights.  I even go so far to create an event on Facebook and invite everyone I’ve met who lives near me to attend.

savannah.hipcalendar.com

I don’t like being the center of attention.  But, for once, I am extremely proud of what I’ve written and I’m excited to share it with other people.  It’s enchanting, reading something you’ve written and knowing you’re affecting people in some way.  I’ve had people, after a poetry reading, tell me they’ve felt the same way before, or that my piece almost made them cry.  It’s empowering.  And though my poems are fleeting for the few minutes I speak, I feel so relevant and like I have something to give to the world.

Summer Wardrobe Essentials

So I know not everyone everywhere has been experiencing the glorious weather I have been.  80 degrees and sunshine, could life get any better?  But when I can wear flip flops outside, it reminds me of summer, and knowing summer is close (and yet so far) excites me.  I loathe winter, partially because I can’t handle the cold but also because of the clothes I am forced to wear.  A giant overcoat that practically swallows me, no thanks!  Layers upon layers of shirts that I eventually have to shed because of the heat indoors, ugh!  Clunky Ugg boots that make my feet sweat, ew!  Summer is calling me, and I’m ready with my wardrobe.  Hope you are too, and if not, I’ve got you covered:

 

1.  Dress Up Your Feet!  I wear anklets year round just because they remind me of summer.  But summer is the only time your feet can be fashionable with anklets and toe rings and painted nails.  So let your feet know flip flop season is almost here.

media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com

 

2.  Black short shorts.  These bad boys go with anything and everything.  Plus, you can either pair them with a T-shirt for a casual look, wear a blouse to dress ’em up, and you can even wear stockings under them in case it’s not warm enough to expose your bare skin.  

thisnext.com

 

3.  White is in.  And because white goes with anything…why not own a pair of white pants?!  White’s a blank canvas, so your own unique style can shine through.

mangomustache.files.wordpress.com

 

4.  Strapless dresses!  There’s nothing like exposing them shoulders, and you certainly cannot do that in winter without getting frostbite.  Summer’s about showing skin, so go get a cute dress!

aliimg.com

 

5.  Sun’s out guns out, baby!  The classic tank top is an essential summer staple.  You can throw a cardigan over it, layer them, or just rock one by itself.  And they come in a plethora of colors.  I’m pretty sure I own the color spectrum.

overhalfsale.com/

 

6.  Toms, Toms and more Toms.  But, go for crazy patterns and bold colors because white is in and white goes with anything, and your black shorts, will as well.  Make your Toms loud and proud.

desmondandbeatrice.com/

 

7.  Graphic Tees never go out of style.  And especially band tees because we all know summer is the time for concerts galore.  Warped Tour is only 118 days away.

imgur.com

 

Cheers to sun, sand, and summer!

 

 

 

 

Valentine’s Day <3

 

So I know Valentine’s Day brings with it a multitude of mixed emotions from feeling utterly happy and loved to those who are completely neutral about the day because hey tomorrow is just Friday to those who claim they’ll forever be alone and their feelings of loneliness creep in during this supposed romantic holiday.  Valentine’s Day is a highly commercialized holiday because in my opinion, you don’t need a calendar to tell you to get your sweetie flowers or go on a nice dinner date.  But, being the hopeless romantic that I am, I do, indeed enjoy the holiday, whether I am single or taken.  And for those who are hustling to get a last minute Valentine’s Day card or stuck on what to say or simply wish to leave a cute note, I’ve compiled a list of some of the (in my opinion), cutest, most romantic, and sweetest sentiments and quotes.  Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!  XOXO

 

1.  “Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein

2.   “When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew.” – William Shakespeare

3.  “You are the only thing in life that I got right.” – Yellowcard

4.  “You know you’re in love when you don’t want to go to sleep because reality is better than a dream.” – Dr. Seuss

5.  “They say that love is forever.  Your forever is all that I need.” – Sleeping With Sirens

6.  “True love comes from more than just the heart.” – Pierce the Veil

7.  “At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.” – Plato

8.  “Cause on the list of everything I need, there’s air but first there’s you and me.” – Go Radio

9.  “I am thinking it’s a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they’re perfectly aligned.” – Iron & Wine

10.  “I love the way the galaxy starts to melt when we become one.” – The Spill Canvas

11.  “There are unspoken words here.  We kiss poems.  Stories.  We kiss books.  Volumes of things left unsaid, emotions untapped.  We kiss loneliness.  Heartbreak.  Rejection, confusion, resentment, rage.  We kiss, scribbling hope onto pages left blank too long, and when they’re filled, we kiss joy.  Elation.  Longing.  A spark of desire fanning quickly toward flame… And there we stop.  Close the covers.” – Ellen Hopkins

 

Reality Check

Going to college is like living in your own little bubble.  Your priorities are school, your health, and maintaining and building relationships (not necessarily in that order for everyone).  Your biggest worries are maybe the paper you need to write, that interview on Friday, when was the last time you went to the gym?, laundry is piling up and clean underwear sounds pleasant, what are your plans this Saturday night, and why isn’t that guy responding to your texts.  All of those “issues” seem so relevant in college because that makes up your existence.

But, sometimes, especially myself, a good reality check is needed and necessary to help keep in mind, there’s life outside of college and the world doesn’t revolve around my selfish life.  Especially as teenagers and young adults, we’re intrinsically self-centered, and when life decides to show you that’s not how it should be, it can be extremely eye opening, shocking, upsetting, and a plethora of other emotions.

I’ve had two recent reality checks, the first made more of an impact, though, but I’d like to discuss both.  A friend had texted me that there was a message on Facebook from her, and when I read it, I should be sitting down.  I assumed it was about she and her boyfriend, so while amongst a group of friends I proceeded to read a devastating tale about a friend I used to work with.  Said friend had suffered a heart attack, several mini strokes, a blood clot in her head, and wasn’t breathing on her own.  I called my friend and proceeded to repeat the phrases, “I can’t believe it” and “Oh my gosh,” for twenty minutes and then as I cried a close friend comforted me for about an hour.

Earlier that day I was frustrated because classes had been cancelled and I had work to finish that could no longer work on.  I was worried about upcoming events and deadlines.  I was just existing in my bubble, and this terrible news, it shook me.  Life is so fragile, and in an instant it can be severed or change forever.  Luckily, my friend is doing so much better, breathing on her own, posting things on Facebook, and recovering, and I am so thankful.  Sometimes in college, I forget to take the time to care for my friends and family that aren’t with me.  I can get so caught up in the now, and my life, that birthdays slip by unnoticed, writing letters gets put on the back burner, making phone calls just seems to take up too much time from my life.  And that shouldn’t be the case because you can’t get time back and you don’t want to regret not talking to someone or telling someone you love them because you were living in your bubble.

Today in my Nonfiction II class, we discussed minimum wage jobs, welfare, and economic status because we had just read a passage from Barbara Ehrenreich’s book, Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By In America.  The information is unsettling.  How do single mothers work two jobs and pay rent and buy groceries to feed their children?  How can anyone work two jobs, barely sleeping, barely getting by, and just to survive?  How do people manage to stay positive about life while suffering this special kind of miserable penury?  I don’t know, and this reading, really shook me.  I am so grateful that I am even going to college and receiving an incredible education because not everyone has that opportunity because of finances.  I know I complain that some of my friends have things handed to them (cars, college tuition is paid for, rent is covered by their parents, etc), but just the fact that I am here means a lot to me.  I’m fortunate that I don’t have to work and put myself through school (I’ll just be in debt when I graduate).  I may not be swimming in money, but I have a meal plan that supplies me with food every day, I have a comfortable dorm, and am living with a friend, and I have transportation to get me places, and I can afford extra items, such as frozen yogurt when I crave it or a blazer for a job interview.

We all have our selfish moments and sometimes we merely exist in our own little world, but in the bigger scheme of things, nothing is as bad as it seems.  Though we think our problems are massive and terrible, somewhere out there someone has it so much worse.  So next time I am stressing over a paper I need to write, I am going to take the time to appreciate that I’m learning at college and have the opportunity to gain an education by writing this paper.  Reality check: I don’t have reason to complain.

Cheers to 20

So in the month of February alone, four of my best friends are turning 20.  And I’ve written them birthday cards, and a theme has popped up in the cards: to-do lists.  I’m not quite sure why, but 20 seems so daunting and terrifying and a bit saddening, but it also seems so full of life, exhilarating, and inspiring.  Though no longer holding onto the teen years, and not quite 21 to be considered adult enough, 20 is this in between limbo, and I think there are things everyone should do before the drinking age rolls around.  20 should be special so cheers to everyone who has turned or is turning 20 this year, make the most of it, and maybe check a few of these events off your list:

 

1.  Have a kiss right out of the movies.  I don’t mean re-create the Notebook’s pouring rain scenario, but have that kiss tale that you tell over and over again.

skyrush.com

 

2.  Go on a road trip, see the world, bond with your besties, and roll down the windows and blare your favorite music.  You have time to travel, so take advantage of that.

3.  Go see that band you’ve been dying to see since middle school.  Those people who were like oh yeah I’ll catch Nirvana next time they come to town are regretting that decision still.  Plus, if you’ve never been to a concert, do it.

4.  Get in shape.  While you are in your 20’s, you’ll be in the best shape of your life, so practice good health and exercising, so you can do it later in life, and so you can own your body while it’s rockin’.  Play pickup soccer, go Zumba, or just go running, whatever, get active and learn to love it.

tourdefit.com

 

 

4.  Explore food you’ve never tried before.  Just branch out and maybe go to that Thai restaurant.  Let your taste buds experience new and exciting flavors.

janetnewenham.files.wordpress.com Baby Octopus Salad

 

 

5.  Go on stage and perform.  Conquer that fear of public speaking.  Whether you go to a karaoke bar and sing, read some poetry at a cafe, or participate in a play, do it.  Embrace your nerves and take center stage.

6.  Shut down technology for a day, this doesn’t entail no microwaves or heat, no no no.  I mean don’t log on to Facebook for 24 hours, don’t touch your cellphone, no Tumblr, no Pinterest, basically no internet, no iPad, no cellphone.  Just exist for a day, be with people and talk, read a book, go for a walk, enjoy where you are and who you are with no ties to the tech world.

trial-technology.blogspot.com

 

 

7.  Make a semi-big purchase.  Whether you buy a $300 pair of jeans you’ve always wanted, the new PS4, a car, a tattoo, whatever, save for it and finally spend that money on something you’ve wanted but never thought you’d be able to afford.

blanchemacdonald.com

 

 

8.  Document being 20.  Whether you take photographs or you write in a journal every day, when you’re 21, and even older, 30, 40, 50, 70, you’ll be glad you can look back on your life and experiences and relive memories.

chicaandjo.com

 

 

9.  Change your hair, or do something along those lines that puts you out of your comfort zone.  Try bangs, grow it out, get that pixie cut, dye the ends.  Or wear heels everyday, gals, or dudes no basketball shorts each day.  Or get a nose stud, a lip ring, or earrings.

besthairstyles2013.net

 

 

10.  Spend more time with your family.  Take your grandparents out to dinner and ask them about their childhood, and what it was like growing up in the 60’s, and the first concert they saw, or the first time they fell in love.  And go for a walk with your parents, and ask them about their first car, the first time they left home, their college experiences.  Learn all you can from loved ones and appreciate who has helped shape you and helped you grow up.